Once in a while I go poking around other adoption blogs and I’ve noticed that, at times, things get heated. Very heated. Adoption is a complex and often painful issue so it is understandable and to me almost welcome. I don’t want everyone to see eye to eye, I want and welcome discussion. That being said there are a few small things that will cause me to say “lalala I can’t hear you”, so if you want to comment, or email, and be heard you might want to follow these simple house rules.
# 1. (aka the BIG one) Don’t bother trying to cram your damn skittles down my throat.
I’ve tasted the adoption rainbow and it wasn’t very palatable at all. I don’t care if you think adoption is all fluffy kittens and wiggly puppies but I don’t so don’t bother trying to make me see it from your side. I used to live up in the clouds with all the rainbow farting ponies too but they kicked my ass out when I came to my senses and I’m not interested in renewing that lease, thank you very much.
#2. I know what I am, you don’t need to tell me.
Yup, I’m angry and bitter, funny how losing a mother and a child will do that to a person. If all you want to say is that I should be grateful and stop moping around you can go right ahead and hit that pretty little X right now. I’m not here for you to mother or save, go find another adoptling or natural mother to focus your energy on.
#3. Don’t correct my choice of language.
I don’t use adoption terminology that promotes the agency mentality. There are no birth anythings here. Period.
#4. Don’t feed the trolls.
I won’t so you shouldn’t bother to either. Comments designed only to hurt or inflame will be removed, people who respond to them will also have their comments removed. I don’t have the time or energy to bother with it.
#5. Park your bible at the door.
I don’t care that Moses was adopted or that you think abortion or sex before marriage is a sin and I certainly don’t want you to get on your God trip here. I’m not religious, I simply don’t care. So God called you to adopt? Ok then, go talk to Him about it.
#6. Go find your womb fresh amniotic smell/perfect loving family somewhere else.
I’m not sure that this would actually happen here but hey, anything is possible. If you are looking to adopt or surrender please refrain from asking me how to accomplish it. I’m not here to help put more children and mothers through the hell I have lived.
#7. Ohhh that fire burns, I WILL put it out.
Don’t flame. Tell me about your happy/crappy experience but don’t bash someone else for theirs, especially not me, I’m mean.
#8. Lived it? Share it! Haven’t been there? Don’t care.
I don’t want to hear about how your brother’s girlfriend’s second cousin’s hairdresser’s mother in-law is adopted/surrendered a child and is totally ok with it. Everyone knows someone touched by adoption and if I wanted to talk to those people I would sit with the old people in the mall food court. In other words don’t bother trying to tell me that because you sat beside a bastard on the train once you know all about adoption, you don’t.
#9. Be authentic.
I love to hear real stories from real people.
#10. Practice what you preach.
Every faith has their version of The Golden Rule . Why is that? Because it is plain old common sense and good manners. Follow your version.
If, for whatever reason, I’m not following my own rules feel free to call me on it! Be forewarned though, I don’t always follow the rules in my own house so I might stray here as well. Sometimes I like to leave my shoes on in the house or smoke in the bathroom, my house, my rules to break. Same applies here. This is my little slice of the internet, not yours. Neener, neener, neener.