Let me start by saying that my only concern is for my son, always will be, but somewhere in there I need to make sure I am emotionally sound too.
Lately I am seeing a lot of hatred directed at natural mothers who choose to voice their opinions, stories, pain and suffering. I see them being told to “suck it up” by adoptees, told to think about the adoptee, put their own crap aside and focus on what is really important, the adoptee. Hogwash! Maybe it is my status as a “dual dipper” but I think both sides need to work on their own BS first, for themselves and by themselves. It reminds me of something my aunt once said to me “When it seems like the whole world is out to get you take a step back. You aren’t so important that the whole world is out to get you, you are out to get yourself” At the time that pissed me right off but now I see the truth behind it. NOBODY else is responsible for me, my pain is MY pain and it is MY job to secure my own emotional health.
Being adopted or having surrendered a child isn’t a card to be played to force others to do what you want them to do. It is something we all have to work through on our own for ourselves. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Nobody else is going to waltz into your life and make all your hurts disappear. Eventually you have to own your own mind and all the nasty crap locked inside of it. It sucks for sure but you know what? It’s called life.
So for crying out loud stop the pity-party-pissing-contest over who is more hurt or who deserves more sympathy. It isn’t getting anyone anywhere. Adoptees who get angry over a woman expressing her own personal pain and anguish isn’t a direct attack at the adoptee, it is her right to express her emotions the same as anyone else. So when a mom is talking about how her child has hurt her or how losing her child has messed her up let her speak her damn piece.
It isn’t all about you, any of you. If you can’t handle reading the truths from the other side step back and stop reading already!